I need some Mommy advice

Oh gosh, as much as it absolutely kills me to write this post, I feel like I need to because I want to hear from other Moms that have gone thru this.  Preslei has been having some MAJOR episdoes lately and I've literally been breaking down in tears over it.  I know that most every parent thinks their child hung the moon but when I say Preslei is 99% of the time the sweetest and most loving child, she really is.  I've always been SO extremely proud of her giving nature and sweet demeanor because I've always wanted my children to share and be compassionate and loving little people.  The tides have turned. 

I don't know if she's started to regress early due to Annalise or if this is just a phase kids her age go thru but I seriously don't know how to discipline her.  If it is in fact due to Annalise, it is very shocking to me because there is not a day that goes by when she doesn't talk about how excited she is about her little sister.  She's been very mouthy and disrepectful at home and when she is told "No" she throws some major fits and a lot of times throw stuff either at the couch or us.  She will run back to her room and slam and lock the door.  Like, this is the type of behavior a teenager would do, not a 4 year old.  We spank and reprimand but it doesn't phase her a bit in this world.  Every time we spank her, we let her cry and pout about it for a few minutes and then talk to her and tell her why she got in trouble and tell her we love her but she made a bad choice.  (PS....Emily, I have totally used your advice on the whole bad girl vs. bad choice thing and I cannot thank you enough for that!  I want her to realize she isn't a bad girl but just makes bad choices.)

Well, yesterday, I got an email from her teacher at school letting me know Preslei got in trouble because of her actions and when she confronted Preslei and asked her why she did those things, Preslei replied, "Because I wanted to" but was honest and said it wasn't an accident.  She lost her play time but when she went back inside, she told the teacher's assitant about the incidents and was smiling and laughing about it.  SO. NOT. MY. KID.  I seriously just broke down crying in my office when I read the email.  Her behavior has been so unacceptable that it is just stressing me out.  I also know that because I'm physically and mentally exhausted by the time we get home and do the "house duties" and she starts acting the way she should, I could be a lot better at discipling her.  I told myself yesterday that next Friday is the last day of work for me.  I am physically hurting and the stress of hurting and feeling completely defeated in the physical sense is emotionally draining for me but the most important thing is to make sure I'm doing everything I can as a Mom to make sure Preslei is adapting well.  I feel like this behavior is her needing attention (even though Lord knows she gets TONS).  I wonder if she feels like she's been placed on the backburner because she and I don't have our little Mommy/Preslei dates like we used to because I just physically can't or what it is.  I've thought long and hard as to what to do.  Do I let her stay home from school for the last 2 weeks of the month to try and work with her on her behaviorial issues or do I keep sending her and continue to work until the 29th or should I send her to school part time (8:30-11:30 is "school" and afterwards is "after school care").  I don't want Preslei to think when she misbehaves she can just miss school but I feel like maybe she needs a break.  I don't know. 

So when I picked her up from school yesterday, she was in a great mood and I asked her after school teachers how she was and they said she was very good and I told them I was relieved because she had a bad morning.  When she got buckled, I asked her how her day was and she said she was a good girl so I asked her if she was a good girl for Mrs. Carmen and she said, "Please don't spank me" so I asked again and she said no and told me what she did.  I told her I was very disappointed with her actions and told her that me and Daddy are going to talk to her about it and she would not be allowed to play or watch TV and we were taking her dollhouse away for 2 days.  She said, "yes ma'am" and was an angel all night.  Keith is on call and had to work very late last night (bless his heart, he didn't get home until midnight last night and has worked like 35+ overtime hours just this week) so I told her that Daddy would take her dollhouse out of her room tomorrow (today) and there was no fussing about it.  She and I both were fed and showered and in the bed by 7:30 last night.  I think she has realized and accepted the consequences for her actions so that makes me feel better but I'm still just at a stand still on how to prevent this type of behavior.  Any suggestions or advice is MORE than welcome!