It still seems surreal

I still can't believe I'm pregnant. Seriously.  I mean, we have wanted this for a long time and to know God blessed us with another miracle, is just amazing.  I have been feeling a LOT better this week.  My back pain isn't nearly as bad as it has been and no nausea.  The worst part this week has been that I feel like I have narcolepsy.  I am tired ALL THE TIME!!! I'm taking progestrone supplements until 12 weeks so I'm almost positive the meds are making me even more tired than normal.

Preslei has been over the moon excited knowing "Mommy has a baby in her tummy".  I've always been the type of parent that explains everything to her and keep her informed.  Keith has been so sweet to me. He knows exactly how freaked out I get during the first trimester and he has been so supportive and helped me so much around the house.  He was SO cute last night.  He came up to me and said, "How's my baby?" and I said, "I'm just really tired but ok" and then he put his hand on my stomach and said, "How's my other baby?"  I just giggled.  It was cute.

I think I will do the weekly updates around 8 weeks or I may wait until I'm 12 weeks.  I am definitely not posting "belly pics" because belly pics are only cute on those skinny girls.  Heck, if you look at my "belly" now, you'd think I was 9 months pregnant.  LOL.  Which reminds me of a funny story.  Being fat just doesn't embarrass me.  I'm me, take me for who I am or don't....doesn't matter to me.  But, when we, well excuse me, I, checked into our hotel in Jacksonville on Saturday (We were originally going to drive to Jax EARLY Saturday morning so I pricelined a hotel for Sat. night only but decided since Kellie and I were taking the kidlets to the zoo, we needed to leave Friday night b/c I couldn't handle a 3 hour drive and then all day in the sun with my back killing me the way it was so I pricelined another hotel but didn't get the same hotel as I did for Saturday night and Keith was already fishing when I needed to check into the 2nd hotel)  I didn't check in until after we went the zoo and the check in guy was asking where Whigham, GA was so I told him about 40 minutes north of Tallahassee and he was like, "oh wow, I bet it is really hot there!" and I said, "yeah, it is but I think it's hotter over here even though you get the breeze off the coast" and somehow I had told him about going to the zoo and I said, "yeah, pregnancy and heat are just not a combination" and the other check in girl was like, "awww...what are you having?" and I seriously could not resist....I said, "Oh I'm only 5 weeks...I'm just fat right now" and I laughed.  She was mortified.  I kinda felt bad for embarrassing her but it was funny to me.  ;o)

So tomorrow, I will be 6 weeks!! YAY!!

I'm venting....

This is more for me than anyone else.  Sometimes you just need somewhere to let it all out. 

To say I'm mad is putting it mildly and I'm sure my hormones aren't helping matters.

It is sad when you can't share good news on Facebook without someone letting certain people know about it.  Keith and I have made a tough decision to not allow certain people to be a part of our family's life anymore.  There have been several instances over the past few years, one which happened a few months ago and I just refuse to let things continue to happen.  I was very adament that I didn't want these people knowing we are expecting again and now, I find out that someone on Facebook told them.  I'm sure that whoever told them, doesn't know the situation between us but dang, I wish people would hush their mouths sometimes. 

I am just sick and tired of people that try to make themselves out to be the victim.  Apparently, it "hurts their heart" that Keith and I didn't call and tell them we are expecting.  When I wash my hands with someone, I mean it.  I'm completely done. 

What I'm loving!

I'm LOVING that my nausea has subsided.  I was starting to get worried I'd be puking soon but I haven't been nauseous since last week.  If I don't eat first thing in the mornings, then I get a little queasy but I'm good after I eat. 

I'm LOVING that Preslei was able to hold her new cousin, Raylie, pretty much ALL weekend.  Every chance she got, she would hold her and feed her.  I think she finally understands that we will have a new baby in the house and she will be able to help Mommy by feeding him/her.  Seriously, how sweet is this picture?!?!

I am LOVING that we were able to break away last weekend and spend some much needed time in Jacksonville with my cousin, Kellie, and her hubby, Ryan, and 3 kids, Reagan, Reid and Raylie.  I think it is so important for cousins to have that special bond with each other.  Preslei absolutely adores Reagan and Reagan is SO good with Preslei.  We took the kids to Jacksonville Zoo and OH.MY.GOSH...it was HOT.  Preslei loved seeing the animals! 

I am LOVING that I only have 2 more weeks until our first doctor's appointment!! I am on pins and needles waiting to see if we are going to have one or two (or three!!) babies.  At first, I just knew it was twins but now, I think it is just one little bambino! We have officially decided on names but I can't decide if I want to announce them when we find out what we are having or if I want to wait until the baby is born.  

I am LOVING that my parents are FINALLY coming home from their 10 day vacation this weekend.  They went to visit Mt. Rushmore, Yellowstone Nat'l Park, Glacier Nat'l Park and other places out that way.  While I love that my parents go on amazing vacations (they went to Alaska last year and Hawaii the year before and as kids, we went to all the top tourist spots like NYC, DC, Niagra Falls, etc.) I miss them when they are gone!!

What are YOU loving this week??

Talk about ripping out your heart

I don't even know where to begin.  I follow a blog of a girl named Brantley.  She and her husband adopted the most beautiful little girl.  I have loved reading her blog and recently, she has became very proactive in adoption.  I would absolutely LOVE to adopt a child later down the road so I enjoy reading these blogs.  Brantley posted a link to another blog that absolutely TORE my heart out of my chest. 

You can view it here.

I just don't understand how anyone, and I mean ANYONE, think neglecting a child is okay.  Just because a person has disabilities or an illness does NOT make them less of a human.  My dad's brother, Uncle Tom, is mentally retarded.  He had an accident when he was very young that caused brain damage.  That is the sweetest, most loving, caring and helpful person I have ever met in my entire life.  The love that Uncle Tom has for the Lord and his family would melt anyone's heart.  Uncle Tom can't read and can only write his name but he is in church every Sunday and can sing the church hymns by heart.  That my friends is a work of God. 

Please pray for this sweet little girl.

Questions for all you 2nd time Moms

Okay, I promise I'm not losing my mind. 

I know I am still early but holy moly at the symptoms already.  I have had nausea on and off throughout the day, nothing bad, but the other night, I was up at 11pm dry heaving.  That was the worst it has been.  But, my lower back is absolutely KILLING me.  I've asked Dr. Google and it's normal (so long as you aren't bleeding) but oh my gosh, I can barely walk, sit or stand.  My boobs are on fire and I swear, I feel as bloated as a stuffed pig.  I never had any of this when I was pregnant with Preslei so is this normal for your second pregnancy?  Of course, spaz case me, I'm like, "oh gosh, I wonder if I'm feeling like this so early means I'm having twins!" (I totally would love to have twins)  Of course, I think because I was on a high dose of Clomid, that is the reason I'm wondering if it's twins. 

Any suggestions/advice will be greatly appreciated!!!

(I'm not complaining because I know every single hurt and ache is worth it and I would do it million times over!)

The details

Another preface....the details may be a little "TMI" to some but hey, it's life!  And as a little side note, I have never shared on my status posts on Facebook my blog address so I feel so "weird" that all my little thoughts and words could now be read by a LOT of people that know me in real life.  I guess the reason I liked blogging so much is because this was my little safe place where I could discuss everything and not everyone would read.  But, I also feel very priviledged because after I shared my news and my blog link, I had someone I know send me a Facebook message asking about my infertility journey because she too was facing the same problems.  I am so glad that people feel they can ask me anything because I really would love to tell anyone my story and give any type of advice I can. 

Here's our little story.

I had basically given up this month.  I was tired, cranky and just not wanting to go thru the whole "okay, we have to have sex tonight because I should be ovulating soon" thing and charting my temps every morning.  Sex is supposed to be fun, not routine.  Despite the crankiness and feeling of defeat, I still took the Clomid.  They had increased it to 150mg and so I thought to myself, "you know, I think I am going to try those ovulation kits at WalMart" so I bought one.  I bought the 7 day Clearblue Easy ones that included a digital pregnancy test.  Around the time I thought I would be ovulating, I took one test and it showed a faint pink line....not ovulating.  Okay, no biggie.  The next day, it showed a dark pink line....so, per the instructions, it said to have sex within 24-48 hours.  I took the test on Saturday, July 30.  We tried the next night.  That was the only time we tried during the little "fertility window".  I tried to use 3 more tests and they were duds.  So, let's fast forward to last Thursday, August 11th.  My lower back had been killing me.  That is one of the first indicators I'm about to start my period, only my temp hadn't dropped like it should have if I was about to start.  I told myself that if my temp hadn't dropped Friday morning, I would take a pregnancy test just to rule out pregnancy so I could take a muscle relaxer.  Here are some freaky things that happened that night.....I randomly thought to myself, "You know, maybe only having one child wouldn't be that bad if we couldn't have any more" and then later, I was looking online at one of my favorite clothing stores and noticed they started carrying maternity clothes and browsed their selection and last, as I was trying to get comfortable in bed, I thought to myself, "Yeah, if I get pregnant, there'd be no more sleeping on my stomach" and I thought how uncomfortable that would be.  LOL.

So, I wake up and my temp is still elevated.  (This was on August 12th.  I was supposed to start on August 14th.)  So, I grab the digital test that came with my OPK and do my thing.  I am honest to God thinking it will pop up, "Not Pregnant" and so I wasn't staring it down like I do every other test.  I glanced over and "Pregnant".  I literally gasped.  I started shaking and crying.  I was like, "Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, I can't believe this!" I called Keith and tried to talk normal and I said, "Hey, what are you doing" and he was like, "Nothing, just getting ready to go do xyz" (i don't remember what it was) and I said, "are you by yourself" and he was like, "Yeah, why" and I just started crying and told him I took a test and we were pregnant.  I've mentioned it before, but Keith is seriously a man of few words and doesn't really get excited but he was like, "Are you serious? I'm so happy! See, I told you if you stopped stressing out it would happen."  LOL.  I called my family doctor's office when they opened to go ahead and let them do a blood test so I would feel more at ease knowing what my hcg level was.  They told me to come in after I dropped Preslei off at school.  I did a blood and another urine.  Urine was positive and the blood results wouldn't be in until Monday.  When I called on Monday to get the numbers, it was 63.  She said that was where it should be at at this stage.  I was four weeks on Sunday.  I had to go back to the doctor yesterday to get tested for strep (positive, ugh) so I wanted them to check my levels again and it was 224 yesterday. 

The way I broke the news to my Mom is something I've been planning since like, forever ago.  My friend Jenny's sister in law, posted her announcement on her blog back a few years ago (maybe like 2 1/2 years ago?!) and ever since I saw it, I thought, I have to use that idea.  So, I got a bakery bun and I tied blue and pink ribbon around it with a notecard attached that said, "I need another 8 months to bake.  April 22, 2012" and we placed it in the oven.  My Mom had planned on coming over Saturday to play with Preslei but when she came over, she wasn't feeling well so she went and laid down in P's bed.  I then set up the camera and said, "Oh Mom, I want to show you something.  I want to show you what Keith and I have been baking."  She was so reluctant because she was feeling like crapola but I told Preslei to go show Nonna. 

Here is my Mom's reaction.  (Note, you will need to fast forward it to the 1:45 mark) 



Until next time....

A picture is worth a thousand words

I will share all the details in another post.  Right now, I have strep throat....again.  As always, please keep us in your prayers as I am very early in my pregnancy.  (I was 4 weeks yesterday.)  We are all so excited!!! 

Putting things in perspective

The devil was working me so hard yesterday and I failed and let him win.  I hate days like that.  But then there are things that you read that make you snap out of it.  I had literally gotten to the point where I wanted to deactivate my Facebook because I just got fed up with those announcements.  I read a status post on my news feed that put everything in perspective.......

"Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you." - Ephesians 4:31-32

I refuse to let the devil take control again.
 
Until next time....

Whirlwind week

I hope I never have to relive last week. It was just a whirlwind.

I didn't tell very many people but Preslei had "surgery" last Tuesday. Apparently, Preslei has inherited Keith's weak teeth. I'm such a spaz case about teeth.  She had to have some dental work done and because of her age, they highly suggested putting her under general anethesia so they could do it all at once and she wouldn't know what was going on.  In my "old age", I'm becoming more anxious and controlling about things involving Preslei.  I know, I know....I have GOT to relax.  The mere thought of my baby being completely under just brought tears to my eyes.  So, the day came and even with a Valium, I was a nervous wreck.  (Apparently, I have a strong resistance to medicine) They took her back and gave her the "twilight" shot.  I think my heart got ripped out, stepped on, put in a grinder and then placed back inside my chest.  Not long after the shot, she just went in this zone and just went loopy and limp.  I was just sitting there boo-hooing.  2 hours later, they said we could come back and she was still asleep but woke up after the nurse put a cold towel on her face.  Gosh, I swear, I don't ever want her being put under again.  Of course, she loves showing off her "new teeth".  I didn't tell very many people about the procedure because it just made me feel like a horrible parent that I was brushing/flossing her teeth enough or good enough.  Even though the dentist said there is no reason I should like that and that some kids just have very soft/weak teeth, it still makes me feel like I have done something wrong.  I just have to learn to get over that.  (She's doing really well and hasn't had any problems with her teeth hurting...praise the Lord!)

Now, let's fast forward to Thursday.  Thursday was Preslei's last day at her sitter, "MiMi's" house.  Mrs. Jan (MiMi) has kept Preslei since she was 6 weeks old.  She also kept Keith when he was a kid.  To say Jan is the most caring, Christian lady truly is an understatement.  Preslei went to First United Methodist's 2 year old program last year on Tuesdays & Thursdays from 8:30-11:30 and she learned SO much.  They decided to offer the 3 year program 8:30-11:30 Monday thru Friday and offer extended care until 5:15.  It was just an opportunity I couldn't pass up.  So, on Thursday, I threw all the kids at Jan's a "back to school" party.  I brought some cupcakes (side note, Publix has the BEST cupcakes ever) and I picked up some pizzas for their lunch and brought Preslei's Disney DVDs.  When I picked her up after work, Jan just loved on Preslei and of course, here come the tears for this Mama!! Thankfully, when school is out for holidays and breaks, Jan will be keeping Preslei. 

So, since school started the next day, my game plan was to have Preslei in bed by 7:30.  This is rare but I thought if she started winding down early, it would work.  Yeah right! 9:30 and she was still awake.  Preslei has never been a "schedule" baby/child but now that we have to leave the house by 7:30 every morning and she has a FULL day at school, I wanted her to get to bed at a reasonable hour.  So far, it hasn't happened yet.  I am thinking about finding some type of toddler herbal sleep aide.....gotta ask the doctor if it is ok first.  She won't go to sleep unless Keith and I are in bed and she is sleeping with us.  Of course, who doesn't love their little ones cuddling with you but I need her to be able to have a bedtime and sleep in her room. 

Preslei woke up in a good mood Friday morning despite getting to sleep late.  We get to church and I always have to take pictures and she was like, "Mommy, stop taking pictures, I'm ready to go inside!"  Last year, she made me carry her in to school and it'd take me 10 minutes to pry her away.  This year, totally different story.  She walks in holding my hand and it takes about 2 minutes to pry her away, lol.   

Here are two pictures from her first day of school.  (Note, of course I know my child would look cute in any kind of clothes she wears but I was so "bummed" when they strongly encourage your child to wear play clothes and closed toe shoes.  I bought her some of the cutest little dresses and sandals for school that I'm scared to let her wear because of the rules.  Grrrrr.....LOL)

Until next time....