What do you mean I can't use my Dr. anymore?!?!

Umm....yeah. I was beyond LIVID let me tell you. So, with my husband's "new" job a year ago and switching insurance companies in January, apparently, they won't pay for Florida doctors b/c they are out of network. Meaning, my BELOVED and I mean B.E.L.O.V.E.D. Dr. Morales, my ob/gyn, isn't in my network. Keep in mind, this is the exact same doctor that helped me get pregnant after two years of infertility. The same dr. that I swore I would never take a million dollars to switch. BUT....with that being said, yes, I could have stayed at his office but I'd end up having to pay approx. $6K out of pocket JUST for the birth and that doesn't include the doctor bills. I was so upset because when you go through something like infertility and you finally find a doctor that is a God-send, someone that listens and doesn't judge you, and ultimately, helps you conceive your miracle baby, there is a soft spot in your entire life for them. My doctor and his entire staff treat you like family. The day I realized this was early on in my pregnancy, I had to wait and wait and wait to be seen b/c Dr. Morales was at the hospital in a delivery. When he came back in the office, he shared with his staff the arrival of his patient's baby, and the ENTIRE office was genuinely excited.

I have been on a diligent search for a new doctor for several months. The town where I live is very small. Not like middle of the desert small but small. The hospital here is, no offense to anyone, but just so crappy I don't know if I would even go there for an emergency. It is affiliated with the larger hospital in the next town over and there are so many people that develop Staph, there should be lawsuits. Maybe its me, but personally, I would and have always felt so much more comfortable in a larger hospital in a larger city. I feel like they are more up to date with technology and if (God-forbid) anything happens, they have the equipment and resources and knowledge to handle the situation. I also wanted a doctor is who isn't 100% opposed to VBACs. That doesn't mean I am hell bent and determined to have one but I want to be well informed by a doctor that can give me an unbiased perspective. After donig my research, I decided I wanted to deliver at Phoebe Putney in Albany GA because they have an excellent NICU department and its a larger hospital. Now, I had to find a doctor.....well, I think I may have found one. Dr. Gaydos at The Veranda. My first ob/gyn was a female and she is the one that I wouldn't spit on if she was on fire and then Dr. M was a male so given my history, I was reluctant scheduling an appointment with another woman. Women are just judgmental.....well most are anyways. I decided to say the heck with it and make the appointment. After talking on the phone with the appointment clerk, she told me Dr. Gaydos specializes in PCOS. PCOS is what I was diagnosed with as the reason for my infertility. Even though since giving birth, I have had no signs or symptoms of PCOS returning, I think I have definitely chosen the right doctor for me. She will completely understand my history and what I have gone thru.

Hopefully she will meet all of my expectations and more. :)

Bitter/Angry/Dramatic Woman.....Party of One.

So I have to admit, most of the time I'm a happy, bubbly, upbeat and cheerful kinda person. Well here lately, I say screw that. I mean really, am I supposed to smile ALL the time? Sometimes life isn't perfect and sometimes, yes, sometimes, I think maybe I need to scream at the top of my lungs to make me feel better. I feel like I have almost reached my breaking point to where people are going to be like, "holy crap...what's wrong with her?!" LOL. I am 27 years old and I am so tired of trying to please everyone and live my life for the sake of other people's happiness instead of my own. I'm sick of always being the one to solve the problems and be expected to fix things. I'm not a miracle worker people. I'm tired of friends that make me feel unappreciated. Even worse, I'm tired of feeling like its MY fault that we aren't as close of friends as we used to be. It takes effort people. No, I don't have as much free time on my hands as I did before I had a child, but damnit, I need a girls' night out more than ever, especially dealing with 2 year old temper tantrums. Does the husband understand this....hell no. I went to Atlanta May 20-23 to spend some time with my best friend, Brian, and you would have thought I asked to spend a month in Fiji or something. I NEVER get a break and I think a break every now and then is more than well deserved. But then, when I want a break, I feel like a bad mom or something because I just want to be alone to regain my sanity. Unfortunately, I have people in my life that make me feel like a terrible person because I want to get away for a little bit by myself.

Another rant is how much I hate this town I live. I have lived here my entire life, underneath a little microscope. Like, seriously, I feel sorry for famous people. If you have ever heard the song by Miranda Lambert, "Famous in a Small Town", well yep, that's me. While living in a small town does have its advantages, you can't freakin' go buy a bottle of wine at the liquor store without your preacher finding out about it and putting your name on the prayer list at church the following Sunday. Okay, that may have been a bit exagerrated but you get my point. People here are just so content with their small town lives but I just hate it. I want so much more. I want options. I want better things for Preslei. I want Preslei to have opportunities that I never had. I want her to grow up in a cultured environment and around open minded people instead of people who think, well, I'm just not even going to go there. I'm tired of not having money to be able to go and do things b/c the salaries here are for shit. I'm tired of struggling to make ends meet and have nothing to show for it. I know for a fact that if I could EVER convince my husband to move to a large city, I could double my annual salary. Yes, the cost of living would be more expensive but that's also why you live in the suburbs. I want more out of life damnit. The hardest part is making that HUGE leap into the unknown. Plus, if you make that leap, what happens if you regret doing it because if I ever decided to do it, I would basically be shunned from everyone. So the point I'm trying to get at is this. When trying to achieve happiness in life, is it worth hurting the ones you love to make yourself happy? Does that make you greedy?

With that being said, I think its going to be a Pinot Grigio kind of weekend while listening to "Nobody Knows" by Pink.

Damn, that felt good to get that off my chest. Now, let me pray to God that none of my family or "so-called" friends read this b/c God-forbid, I'll be the talk of the town and then the next thing you know, the gossip will be I'm getting divorced and moving to Fiji because I turned into an alcoholic. LOL ;)

Now, just breathe..........OHMMMMM..................................

My ebay listings

If anyone is interested in viewing my ebay listings, here is the link: http://shop.ebay.com/kines_amanda/m.html?_nkw=&_armrs=1&_from=&_ipg=&_trksid=p3686

It is a SLOW process but I have finally decided to start going through the bazillion rubbermaid totes that are filled with Preslei's clothes and shoes. I am running out of storage room. :) I had the intention of saving all her clothes so that when we had another baby, if we had a girl, I wouldn't have to buy very much. The baby making process probably won't happen for a little while longer (I'm enjoying my one on one time with Preslei TOO much) so I'm listing them!

Thanks and pass my link around to anyone you think may be interested!!!