One week post op update

I had my surgery last Thursday, May 21, 2009. All went very well. To my surprise, I had absolutely no pain. I have 3 tiny, maybe an inch long, incisions on my stomach and one longer incision close to my left underarm. Thursday and Friday were kind of a blur because I was still recovering from the anethesia. Tuesday has been my worst day but I think it was because it was my first day back at work. I had my post-op follow up with Dr. B yesterday and to my surprise, I have lost 20 lbs!!! Now granted that is my weight loss over a 4 week period. I know I won't drop the pounds that fast anymore but it is definitely motivation! I can tell a difference in my rings and my bracelet. I wear a Pandora bracelet 24/7 and the times I do take it off, I just wiggle it on and off my hand. Now, I barely have to wiggle it and it falls off! Funny how something so stupid can get you excited!!!

I will say this, if I never smell chicken broth or eat Jello again, I will die a very happy woman! Living on that stuff for 5 days will make you go nuts! :^)

Fat.

Yep, fat. Its one of the many words in the English dictionary that describes me. Am I ashamed? Yes, but am I doing something about it? HELL YES! I'm not one of those people that are sensitive to the word, never have been. I mean, I got myself to this point. Being fat is something I have dealt with my ENTIRE life and I know I will struggle with it the rest of my life. Its in my blood. My entire paternal side of the family are HUGE people. Not necessarily huge as in fat (even though most are) but we just grow 'em big. Put it this way, I think my Dad is the shortest of all his 6 living brothers and he's like 6'1 or so. I have one Uncle that is 6'11!!!! Wowzers!!! No wonder I'm 5'10!!!

I haven't shared this with very many people because quite frankly, I don't want it known all over town! But I feel like I should blog about it, to get it off my chest. Okay, so here goes..........

Tomorrow is the beginning of my life. Tomorrow is the day my new journey begins. The journey to becoming healthy, the journey of becoming an active Mom, the journey of weightloss.

I am having the gastric lapband procedure.

Whew........and I'm getting emotional typing this.

No, not the gastric bypass but the lapband. Its less invasive and much safer. They take a band and place it around the upper part of your stomach and inject saline to tighten the band to make it so that you won't eat as much.

Some people are going to be negative and think, you are just being lazy, you are taking the easy way out. Being fat isn't all about just eating yourself sick. I admit, I LOVE to eat. I don't eat a whole lot but its what I eat. God knows I love my carbs and sugars!!! People can think what they want to think, I really honestly don't care. I'm not doing this for anyone other than myself, my husband and my daughter (and future kids). I want Preslei to grow with a Mom and a Dad. I want her to have a Mom that can run around the yard with her and not get tired. I don't want her embarrassed of me because I'm fat. I want to LIVE. I don't want to get heart disease, diabetes and other weight related health issues.

Many people keep asking, "Are you nervous?" My answer is absolutely not. I admit, when I think about the surgery, I get knots in my stomach but I think its more of excitement rather than nerves. Wouldn't you be excited to start an amazing new chapter in your life?!

I'm 100% dedicated to this new way of life, eating and living. After all, I better be because my stupid insurance company won't pay for this surgery so I'm having to foot the bill. Geez. But seriously, I think because I'm having to pay out the wahzoo for it, it will make me 100 times more dedicated. On paper (with the execption of my weight) I'm as healthy as a horse, but that is right now. I can't guarantee that 20 years from now.

I dont' necessarily have a "goal" because I don't even know what I weigh now. In high school, I lost 40 pounds and weighed 165 at my lowest and I thought I was fat then. Because I wasn't 120lbs like my other friends, I was depressed. I didn't eat for a week. Then I realized how stupid I was. But ever since then, I never wanted to know my weight for fear of sinking into a depression again. I just want to feel good about myself again.

So, tomorrow, say a little prayer for me that all goes well. Thank you so much for the people that are supporting me on this. Keith, My Mom and Dad, I love yall more than words can EVER describe, my brother and sister in law (yes, I love yall too!!! :) Ashley, Lauren, all my other friends, Melanie, who is going to be my rock and pusher, and the other select few that know about this. (Why does it feel like I'm giving an acceptance speech?!)

I can't wait to post before and after pics a year from now!

xoxo
Amanda

Our first "real" family vacation

Okay, so we went on our first "real" family vacation this past weekend. Yes, we have traveled places since the birth of Preslei but not just the three of us. It was only an overnight trip but we had the best time. My 26th birthday was this past Sunday (May 17th) and I decided instead of Keith buying some gift that I will never use and will just collect dust, I wanted to make it memorable. I decided I wanted to go to Atlanta to the Georgia Aquarium for my birthday. Ever since the aquarium opened, I had been dying to go. About a month or so ago, I bought Preslei a little fish tank for her bedroom. The kid LOVES fish! Every morning she wakes up and points to her fish and says, "Dat!!!" or says something that sounds like fish. If we have friends or family that come over to visit, I will tell her to go show them her fish and she will run to her room and point and say "dat!". So cute. So we "upgraded" and bought a 10 gallon tank for our living room with bigger and prettier fish. The kid is IN LOVE! So I thought, what better time to go to the Georgia Aquarium.

We wake up, well excuse me, I wake up at 5:30 Saturday morning and pack our bags and we are on the road at 7:30. Atlanta is about a 3 1/2 hour drive which isn't bad at all. I have to tell you, I love taking road trips but Atlanta traffic scares the bejesus out of me! I think I should have gotten a prescription for Xanax before leaving or something!!! Preslei slept a good portion of the trip and woke up when we were about an hour from Atlanta.

Give a kid a sucker and they will love you for life!!!

So we get to Atlanta and find the Aquarium and park and get in line. Let me tell you, I am SO glad I decided to purchase the tickets in advance. The line was incredibly long!!!! We zipped on through and made our way in. The first hallway had huge floor to ceiling aquariums on both sides and of course, Preslei was AMAZED and was like, "Ooohhhh dat!!!" This place is unbelievable. The had different exhibits like the Cold Water Quest, Tropical Diver, Ocean Explorer, River Rapids (or something like that). I personally could have cared less about the river thing because we see those type of fish and animals regularly since we live near rivers and lakes.

We stayed at the aquarium for about 4 hours and Preslei was in dire need of a nap so we walked across the street and booked a room at the Hilton Garden Inn. I have to say, for being a downtown Atlanta hotel and directly across the street from the aquarium and the Centenniel Olympic Park, it was only $99 a night! Wow! To my surprise, Preslei was WIRED when we got to the hotel. She was jumping on the bed acting like the silly girl she is! She was so wired that she fell of the bed!!! I know, I feel like a bad Mommy!!! It didn't phase her one bit! We had decided that we would all take a nap and head out for dinner on the same block when we woke up. We ate at the cutest little 50's diner called Johnny Rockets. Preslei had her first milkshake and you couldn't pry her hands off the cup!

This is my all-time favorite picture of Preslei!!! Milk mustache and all!

Isn't she just a little ham?! Melts my heart and makes me laugh all at once!

Preslei LOVED our hotel room. There were mirrored sliding closet doors that she would run in and out of playing Hide and Go Seek. I got her on camera a little!

So we decided that Sunday we would take her to the Olympic Park and play that morning and head over the Atlanta Zoo. Well the rain washed away those plans and decided to head home instead. We stopped at the Tanget Outlets and picked up some new clothes for Miss Priss. FYI- The Children's Place had some FANTASTIC deals! I bought a new skirt, some khaki pants, a cardigan set and a dress for Preslei for $4 each! Wow. I couldn't help but think about a blogger friend when I saw this place had a Gymboree Outlet! Miss Bella should seriously become a Gymboree model! :^) She is always decked out in the cutest outfits from that store and always a bow to match!

We finally got home around 7:30 Sunday evening after a day of shopping and driving.

This was the best birthday EVER! Being able to spend a wonderful weekend away from home with the two most important people in my life.

Wow.

So, I just got back from my lunch break. Why is it when you drive around you start deep thinking? Hmm. So, I was thinking about this blog and how much I am going to enjoy doing this and was thinking about everything I have gone through to get me where I am today. I started thinking about the baby we lost. Never until now, has it crossed my mind that "her" original due date was July 3rd and with Preslei's pregnancy, I took my first pregnancy test and had a positive result on July 3rd. How ironic is that?! God truly gave us our miracle.

Our story

Keith and I had known each other since high school but didn't officially "meet" until October of 2001. He was living with a mutual friend who my best friend, Ashley, and I went to visit before going out. So, we walked in, and I see this guy laying back in a chair with a pale yellow Polo shirt on and was like, "dang, that is "Catman"? (his nickname since high school that I absolutely HATE). So, long story short, he and I went on our first date the following Saturday. On April 9, 2005, I married the love of my life at the most perfect plantation in Thomasville, Georgia. We had always talked about kids and I had dreamed of the day I would become a mother my entire life. After all, I babysat for half of Grady County since the age of 13. While we had both agreed that we wanted to wait at least a year things changed in October of 2005. Before Keith and I had gotten married, I had been diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) and my doctor informed me when we wanted to start a family I would need to be on Clomid and Metformin. Okay, so not a big deal at the time. I would have a period about every four months or so. So, since we were married, every month I didn't have a period, I would rush out and buy a pregnancy test thinking we had gotten pregnant. We were NOT trying to have a baby. So, October rolls around and no period. For once, I thought, I am not going to waste money on a test that I know will be negative. My friend, Carol, just knew I was pregnant and insisted I take a test. So, I buy a test, go home, take it, and low and behold, it is positive. Oh my gosh, what are we going to do?! I have no maternity insurance, we had JUST gotten married. I freaked.

My poor husband had no idea I was taking the test and I walk out of the bathroom crying and he asks what is wrong. My response: "I'm freaking pregnant!!! Oh my god, what are we going to do?! I have to leave, I need to go and think!" And I leave. I leave my poor, shocked husband at home immediately after I tell him I'm pregnant. What was I thinking?!

So, I'm just sobbing away, driving, and I call my best friend, Ashley, and tell her I coming over. As I pull into her drive, she comes out and wonders what is wrong. So I tell her, and her response is, "I'm going to be an aunt!!!!" So, she calms my nerves and I have to go to my parents house. So, I call Keith and apologize and he just wants to make sure I was okay and was completely supportive. I call my mom to see if she and my dad are awake and tell her I'm on the way. I make my way to the door and my mom meets me under the garage and I just fall in her arms and tell her I am pregnant. Completely supportive and tells me that everything will be okay and we go inside and tell my dad, same response.

I get home and Keith and I talked and talked and he reassured me everything was fine and it happened for a reason. After the shock wears off, I am so excited. Now keep in mind, I am only 21 years old at the time. We think of baby names, look at baby clothes. About 3 weeks later, we had a triple date with some friends and as we were leaving the restaurant, I had to use the restroom. I was spotting. Carol and Ashley reassured me that some spotting was normal but to take it easy. I couldn't take it easy, I was scared. I bled all weekend and went to the doctor on Monday and had bloodwork done. I lost the baby. It didn't hit me until my brother called and told me he loved me. I lost it, I lost my sanity.

Since the miscarriage, Keith and I decided that we would get maternity insurance, get things in order and try to start our family again. I went to the doctor and told her how I hadn't had a period but we wanted to try again and she refused to put me on the medication that she previously told me I would need because "I was too fat to get pregnant". Her words. So, I tried losing weight, didn't work. For two years I struggled with infertility and for two years, my doctor continuously told me there was nothing she would do to help me get pregnant because of my size.

God answered our prayers. An old friend reappeared in my life and we discovered we were both going through the exact same thing. EXACTLY the same thing. She referred me to Dr. M, a doctor in Tallahassee that had given her Clomid despite her size. I was iffy because I didn't think I would feel comfortable with a male doctor. I bit the bullet and scheduled an appointment. He was a God-send. He was so reassuring and so compassionate and told me that my weight shouldn't determine whether or not I would become a Mom. I was on Clomid for two months. Because I was taking my BBT every morning, I knew I was pregnant before the test confirmed it because my temps stayed elevated. On July 3, 2007, I was pregnant. If it hadn't been for "A" (my friend), I could still be in the same situation today. "A", you will NEVER know how much I am grateful for you, never.

The first trimester was so scary and until I saw my "butterbean" on the ultrasound monitor, my nerves were a mess. Despite what my previous doctor told me, I had the PERFECT pregnancy. Perfect.

On St. Patrick's Day, March 17, 2008, at 5:47 p.m., via c-section, Keith and I welcomed our perfect daughter, Preslei Paige Phillips. She weighed 9lbs. 9oz. and was 21 1/2 inches long. She was perfect. We had our miracle.

First Post

This post will be short and sweet because I need to figure all this stuff out before I start my blogging mayhem!

I am hoping this will be a great way for friends and family to follow our journey. Hope you enjoy!

*Amanda*