Tooting my own horn

Growing up in a small, rural South Georgia town doesn't really allow you the opportunities as living in a large city would.  In fact, it doesn't give you many options, period.  Some people move away and never look back, while some (like me) are "stuck" here indefinitely.  This town has its ups and downs but as I have said many many times before, my family keeps me here.  I couldn't imagine my child(ren) growing up and not being able to see my parents whenever they wanted and even me for that matter.  My Mom is honestly one of my best friends.  She and I always have so much together.  Of course, that hasn't always been the case but after you have a child of your own, you find a completely new respect for your own Mother.  I was very very close to my Mam-Maw growing up (my Mom's mom) and have always said that I hope my child(ren) will have the same bond with my Mom as I have with Mam-Maw, who will be 90 years "young" in January.  :)  Where am I getting at with all this you ask.......well, what started me thinking was this:  For someone that has lived in a town like this my whole life, I am SO proud of the person I have become.  I don't judge people based on race, religion, sexual preference, etc.  There are two things that have happened recently that made me reflect on this.  One of which being someone in my life whom I love dearly is the biggest homophobe I have ever met.  I honestly respect everyone whether or not they have the same views and/or opinions as myself.  Therefore, have enough respect for me and my opinions.  I don't force them on you and try to change yours.  Respect is such a simple thing and free thing you can give someone but for some you would think it was the hardest thing to do.  I wish there would be a day where everyone could see people for what is in their hearts and souls as a PERSON as opposed to their "label".  So what if someone is gay or straight??? That doesn't change who they are in the slightest.  You and I are NOT put here on the Earth to judge anyone.  Secondly, is this whole Dove Church Quran burning thing.  WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING?!?! How can people be so idiotic?? I am a Christian and believe that Jesus died for our sins and I know without a shadow of doubt that I am going to Heaven.  With that being clarified, I also believe that EVERYONE has a right to believe what they want.  I know that we as Christians should preach and worship and spread the word of God but if someone is as devoted to their religion as we are to ours, who are we to try and change that?  For a pastor to hold a day of burning the Quran is just despicable.  I just wish people could place themselves in other's shoes.  How would he feel as a pastor to know that an Islamic pastor held a day of burning our Bible? Or for homophobes, how would they feel if their sons or daughters were gay? People just need to step back and look at life from another perspective.  Just because you think you are right, doesn't mean you are. 

8.10.2010 Preslei's first day of "school"

Okay, so seriously when I say "I have been thinking of this day since I was pregnant", I'm not joking. One of the first things I thought about when I was pregnant was that Preslei HAS to get accepted into the First United Methodist Church's preschool program. Like, it was seriously my mission. Not sure if I'm partial b/c my boss and his wife were part of the group of parents that organized and started the program back years ago or what, but this is a phenomenal program. Anywho....fast forward about 2 1/2 years and well, today, Preslei started her 1st day at FUMC Preschool. I have talked to her for the past few weeks about school and how much she is going to learn about shapes, colors, numbers, Spanish, and most importantly, Jesus and how much he loves you. I've been trying to teach her "Jesus loves me" but she is still insisting on "Rain Rain Go Away" and "Happy Birthday" as her favorite songs right now. Last night was open house and she was so excited to see Welles and Grace. She and Welles go to the same sitter so they love each other already and Preslei and Grace have been friends since last summer. Welles and Grace are cousins so I think the three of them will be life-long friends. When we got home last night, she was sooooo excited to start "stool" (as she says) that she couldn't go to sleep! Needless to say, that made for a very rought start this morning. But, as soon as we pulled up she started saying "We here Mommy, we here! We at my stool!" She was a little bashful at first but as soon as she saw Grace and Welles, she was fine!

Where has the time gone?! I miss the days of constant swaddling, bottles and cries.

Look Mommy, its my classroom! :)

(and no, she didn't really say that but I'm sure that's what she was thinking! LOL)

She finally let me take a picture of her smiling in the school bathroom! HA!

Last night at open house....I LOVE this picture! Preslei and Grace!

My best friend, Ashley

I am creating this post so that Kelly's Korner "match.com" SUYL will be able to see my best friend. Ashley is a 27 year old, single Christian girl. She is a very humble person and is beautiful both inside and out. She is a RN and works for a Dermatologist in Tallahassee, FL. She is currently going back to school to further her education. For some unknown reason, Ashley hasn't been able to find Mr. Right. She is kind of shy at first but once she breaks out of her shell, she is a fun and spontaneous person. She is a down-home Southern girl with Christian morals.

If anyone is interested, please post a comment and I will give you Ashley's contact information!

Typical night at the Phillips house

My child is soooo full of imagination and fun! Here's the video evidence. :)

Click here!!!

4th of July weekend wrap-up

Keith, Preslei and I had an amazing holiday weekend. I had been wanting to surprise Keith with a weekend vacation for some time now but could never decide where I wanted to go or when. We both have never been to Savannah and had been talking about it a lot recently. Well, because I decided last minute I couldn't find any hotels in the historic district in my price range. So, I spilled the beans to him by accident about where we were going and we decided to spend Saturday night in Savannah and then drive down to Jacksonville and spend the 4th of July with my cousin Kellie and her family. If you haven't been to Savannah, I highly recommend it. It is PACKED full of history and there is TONS to do and I loved the fact that you could walk everywhere you wanted to go. I booked at room at Avia (perfect location) and will definitely be back. We were one block away from City Market and two blocks from River Street. I think my favorite part of the entire trip was listening to the street musician that was on the river walk singing the blues. We had a great time in Jax with Kellie, Ryan, Reagan and Reid. Preslei LOVES Reagan and Reid. We were also able to hang out with my first "babies", Brooke and Jake. I started babysitting them when Jake, who is now 11, was just a year old and Brooke ever since she was born. She is now 8. Those kids will always hold a very special place in my heart. About 3 years ago, they moved back down to Jacksonville and then their parents got divorced. Luckily, Pam (their mom) and I are still great friends and keep in touch. It was such a blessing to not only be a part of those kids' lives but also have an amazing friendship with Pam.

What do you mean I can't use my Dr. anymore?!?!

Umm....yeah. I was beyond LIVID let me tell you. So, with my husband's "new" job a year ago and switching insurance companies in January, apparently, they won't pay for Florida doctors b/c they are out of network. Meaning, my BELOVED and I mean B.E.L.O.V.E.D. Dr. Morales, my ob/gyn, isn't in my network. Keep in mind, this is the exact same doctor that helped me get pregnant after two years of infertility. The same dr. that I swore I would never take a million dollars to switch. BUT....with that being said, yes, I could have stayed at his office but I'd end up having to pay approx. $6K out of pocket JUST for the birth and that doesn't include the doctor bills. I was so upset because when you go through something like infertility and you finally find a doctor that is a God-send, someone that listens and doesn't judge you, and ultimately, helps you conceive your miracle baby, there is a soft spot in your entire life for them. My doctor and his entire staff treat you like family. The day I realized this was early on in my pregnancy, I had to wait and wait and wait to be seen b/c Dr. Morales was at the hospital in a delivery. When he came back in the office, he shared with his staff the arrival of his patient's baby, and the ENTIRE office was genuinely excited.

I have been on a diligent search for a new doctor for several months. The town where I live is very small. Not like middle of the desert small but small. The hospital here is, no offense to anyone, but just so crappy I don't know if I would even go there for an emergency. It is affiliated with the larger hospital in the next town over and there are so many people that develop Staph, there should be lawsuits. Maybe its me, but personally, I would and have always felt so much more comfortable in a larger hospital in a larger city. I feel like they are more up to date with technology and if (God-forbid) anything happens, they have the equipment and resources and knowledge to handle the situation. I also wanted a doctor is who isn't 100% opposed to VBACs. That doesn't mean I am hell bent and determined to have one but I want to be well informed by a doctor that can give me an unbiased perspective. After donig my research, I decided I wanted to deliver at Phoebe Putney in Albany GA because they have an excellent NICU department and its a larger hospital. Now, I had to find a doctor.....well, I think I may have found one. Dr. Gaydos at The Veranda. My first ob/gyn was a female and she is the one that I wouldn't spit on if she was on fire and then Dr. M was a male so given my history, I was reluctant scheduling an appointment with another woman. Women are just judgmental.....well most are anyways. I decided to say the heck with it and make the appointment. After talking on the phone with the appointment clerk, she told me Dr. Gaydos specializes in PCOS. PCOS is what I was diagnosed with as the reason for my infertility. Even though since giving birth, I have had no signs or symptoms of PCOS returning, I think I have definitely chosen the right doctor for me. She will completely understand my history and what I have gone thru.

Hopefully she will meet all of my expectations and more. :)

Bitter/Angry/Dramatic Woman.....Party of One.

So I have to admit, most of the time I'm a happy, bubbly, upbeat and cheerful kinda person. Well here lately, I say screw that. I mean really, am I supposed to smile ALL the time? Sometimes life isn't perfect and sometimes, yes, sometimes, I think maybe I need to scream at the top of my lungs to make me feel better. I feel like I have almost reached my breaking point to where people are going to be like, "holy crap...what's wrong with her?!" LOL. I am 27 years old and I am so tired of trying to please everyone and live my life for the sake of other people's happiness instead of my own. I'm sick of always being the one to solve the problems and be expected to fix things. I'm not a miracle worker people. I'm tired of friends that make me feel unappreciated. Even worse, I'm tired of feeling like its MY fault that we aren't as close of friends as we used to be. It takes effort people. No, I don't have as much free time on my hands as I did before I had a child, but damnit, I need a girls' night out more than ever, especially dealing with 2 year old temper tantrums. Does the husband understand this....hell no. I went to Atlanta May 20-23 to spend some time with my best friend, Brian, and you would have thought I asked to spend a month in Fiji or something. I NEVER get a break and I think a break every now and then is more than well deserved. But then, when I want a break, I feel like a bad mom or something because I just want to be alone to regain my sanity. Unfortunately, I have people in my life that make me feel like a terrible person because I want to get away for a little bit by myself.

Another rant is how much I hate this town I live. I have lived here my entire life, underneath a little microscope. Like, seriously, I feel sorry for famous people. If you have ever heard the song by Miranda Lambert, "Famous in a Small Town", well yep, that's me. While living in a small town does have its advantages, you can't freakin' go buy a bottle of wine at the liquor store without your preacher finding out about it and putting your name on the prayer list at church the following Sunday. Okay, that may have been a bit exagerrated but you get my point. People here are just so content with their small town lives but I just hate it. I want so much more. I want options. I want better things for Preslei. I want Preslei to have opportunities that I never had. I want her to grow up in a cultured environment and around open minded people instead of people who think, well, I'm just not even going to go there. I'm tired of not having money to be able to go and do things b/c the salaries here are for shit. I'm tired of struggling to make ends meet and have nothing to show for it. I know for a fact that if I could EVER convince my husband to move to a large city, I could double my annual salary. Yes, the cost of living would be more expensive but that's also why you live in the suburbs. I want more out of life damnit. The hardest part is making that HUGE leap into the unknown. Plus, if you make that leap, what happens if you regret doing it because if I ever decided to do it, I would basically be shunned from everyone. So the point I'm trying to get at is this. When trying to achieve happiness in life, is it worth hurting the ones you love to make yourself happy? Does that make you greedy?

With that being said, I think its going to be a Pinot Grigio kind of weekend while listening to "Nobody Knows" by Pink.

Damn, that felt good to get that off my chest. Now, let me pray to God that none of my family or "so-called" friends read this b/c God-forbid, I'll be the talk of the town and then the next thing you know, the gossip will be I'm getting divorced and moving to Fiji because I turned into an alcoholic. LOL ;)

Now, just breathe..........OHMMMMM..................................