Bitter/Angry/Dramatic Woman.....Party of One.

So I have to admit, most of the time I'm a happy, bubbly, upbeat and cheerful kinda person. Well here lately, I say screw that. I mean really, am I supposed to smile ALL the time? Sometimes life isn't perfect and sometimes, yes, sometimes, I think maybe I need to scream at the top of my lungs to make me feel better. I feel like I have almost reached my breaking point to where people are going to be like, "holy crap...what's wrong with her?!" LOL. I am 27 years old and I am so tired of trying to please everyone and live my life for the sake of other people's happiness instead of my own. I'm sick of always being the one to solve the problems and be expected to fix things. I'm not a miracle worker people. I'm tired of friends that make me feel unappreciated. Even worse, I'm tired of feeling like its MY fault that we aren't as close of friends as we used to be. It takes effort people. No, I don't have as much free time on my hands as I did before I had a child, but damnit, I need a girls' night out more than ever, especially dealing with 2 year old temper tantrums. Does the husband understand this....hell no. I went to Atlanta May 20-23 to spend some time with my best friend, Brian, and you would have thought I asked to spend a month in Fiji or something. I NEVER get a break and I think a break every now and then is more than well deserved. But then, when I want a break, I feel like a bad mom or something because I just want to be alone to regain my sanity. Unfortunately, I have people in my life that make me feel like a terrible person because I want to get away for a little bit by myself.

Another rant is how much I hate this town I live. I have lived here my entire life, underneath a little microscope. Like, seriously, I feel sorry for famous people. If you have ever heard the song by Miranda Lambert, "Famous in a Small Town", well yep, that's me. While living in a small town does have its advantages, you can't freakin' go buy a bottle of wine at the liquor store without your preacher finding out about it and putting your name on the prayer list at church the following Sunday. Okay, that may have been a bit exagerrated but you get my point. People here are just so content with their small town lives but I just hate it. I want so much more. I want options. I want better things for Preslei. I want Preslei to have opportunities that I never had. I want her to grow up in a cultured environment and around open minded people instead of people who think, well, I'm just not even going to go there. I'm tired of not having money to be able to go and do things b/c the salaries here are for shit. I'm tired of struggling to make ends meet and have nothing to show for it. I know for a fact that if I could EVER convince my husband to move to a large city, I could double my annual salary. Yes, the cost of living would be more expensive but that's also why you live in the suburbs. I want more out of life damnit. The hardest part is making that HUGE leap into the unknown. Plus, if you make that leap, what happens if you regret doing it because if I ever decided to do it, I would basically be shunned from everyone. So the point I'm trying to get at is this. When trying to achieve happiness in life, is it worth hurting the ones you love to make yourself happy? Does that make you greedy?

With that being said, I think its going to be a Pinot Grigio kind of weekend while listening to "Nobody Knows" by Pink.

Damn, that felt good to get that off my chest. Now, let me pray to God that none of my family or "so-called" friends read this b/c God-forbid, I'll be the talk of the town and then the next thing you know, the gossip will be I'm getting divorced and moving to Fiji because I turned into an alcoholic. LOL ;)

Now, just breathe..........OHMMMMM..................................